I’ve been to a bunch of stand-up shows in the last two weeks, and you know what BUGS THE CRAP OUT OF ME?!!!
#1) Comics who say the word ‘Vagina’ over and over and over again because they can’t write anything original and think it’s good for a laugh. Plus they think it makes them, “Edgy.” Guess what? It was considered dangerous and edgy to say Vagina in the 80’s (like around 1981). That was over 35 years ago. Try writing some MATERIAL instead!
And no, I’m NOT a prude! I love raunchy humor! But it’s got to be clever. Have some kind of hook to it. We’re not in the third grade anymore where you can just say “bad words” on the playground and get a laugh. If you really are funny then THINK OF SOMETHING!
#2) White Comedians talking about how much white people suck, in a pathetic attempt to look relevant and topical but failing miserably in both regards. Instead, they come off looking like people with a DESPERATE need to sound interesting. They look like someone who never matured past freshman year of college. Like those sycophants on MTV’s ‘The Real World’ who talk to their African American roommates in this demeaning and condescending manner. Lapsing into ebonics whenever speaking to them because they speak, “their language.” It’s insulting.
You don’t sound cool or “street.” It comes across as, “I’zz wich cho people boy.”
It’s sad and very, very pathetic.
You think you’re above it all and see how evil white people are. But hey, you’re not one of them. In fact, if you’d been alive in 1840, you would have been part of the Underground Railroad and hid runaway slaves from their masters. If I were black and in the audience, I’d be offended because I’m being talked down to.
Here’s your message, “Hey African American person, I’m one of the good ones. Don’t judge me cause I’m white. I like Dr. King! I really do!” Try looking up, ‘Pretentious’ in the dictionary loser!
You want to come across as sympathetic and worldly, but instead, you look like a parasite living on the back of a maggot.
#3) Black Comedians talking about how the police might shoot them on any given day of the week just for “being black.” Statics say the odds of you being shot by one of your “Brothers” is ASTRONOMICALLY higher than being shot by a police officer. So considering that fact why don’t you belabor that point instead? Quite frankly it disgusts me to sit and watch you pretend this isn’t a fact of life in the inner city. I feel like I’m enabling your delusions and partaking in your self-destruction. And it makes me sick. That’s not the reason I go to a comedy club.
#4) Black Comedians talking about how they might be sent to prison “just because they’re black.” (See above)
#5) Black Comedians still doing lame impressions of Richard Pryor and Eddie Murphy. Those guys were geniuses who elevated the art form and charged it forever. Leaving an impact that’s undeniable. Watching you pretend to be them is sad, feeble and, above all else, pathetic!
And please, for God’s sake, can we drop the, “did you ever notice black people and white people do the same things differently” routine?! Enough already! There are snow tires in Alaska that have been used less than that bit! Let it die!
#6) Hispanic/Latino/Mexican Comedians only talking about being Hispanic/Latino/Mexican ad nauseam. Spare me the ‘racist’ label. My girlfriend was born and raised in Mexico. Her kids, who I love to death, are Mexican. It’s boring guys! When a Latin Comic gets onstage and immediately starts with, “You know what sucks about being Latino?” I go to sleep. It’s dull; it’s been done before. It’s SO tired and stale.
I was in a comedy club a few weeks ago, and the entire audience was CLEARLY made up of white, hipster douche bags, but that didn’t stop this Latin Comic from getting up onstage and opening with, “Let me hear a shout out from my Mexican Hommies!” Which was met with DEAD SILENCE, mainly because none of his “Hommies” were in the audience!
Face facts my Latin “Brother,” the only people going to an open mic night at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday are Twenty-Something Millennials with no kids or responsibilities. Your “Hommies” were home couch surfing. Oh, and thanks for calling our attention to your racial makeup because that’s really important. I go to a Comedy Show to laugh. God forbid I shouldn’t think about race for maybe forty minutes and enjoy myself. No, thanks to you racial identity was brought right back into center square! Thank you so much you sorry ass excuse for a wannabe Comedian!
One of the jobs of a Comedian is to gauge the audience and get a feel for the crowd. Or I should say a “Professional Comedian,” which this guy wasn’t.
One of the single greatest standup comedians who ever lived was Columbian. But you know what made him different? He wrote JOKES! REAL JOKES! About everything! He made me laugh so hard I cried. I worshipped the ground he walked on because he was a Comedian, a REAL Comedian. And an expert at this craft. Get some talent Bozo!
P.S. Hey Muchacho! Why do all Hispanic/Latino/Mexican Comedians write derogatory jokes about Hispanic/Latino/Mexicans? I don’t get it. If a white comedian did material on how Hispanic/Latino/Mexican’s front yards always look like shit, he’d be called a racist. But that’s all Hispanic/Latino/Mexican Comics ever do! Rank on their own kind with tons of negative stereotypes! Why is that funny?